Perfect Life or as I see it....

Perfect is described as having all the required or desirable elements, qualities or characteristics, as good as it is possible to be.

Someone close to me has asked to imagine how I vision my life ten years down the line.

Perfect life would be according to me:

-to have a person who would love me the way I am and I love that person the way he is.Perfect life would be to have understanding and caring life partner.
-would be to have someone with you when you need a hug and shoulder to cry.
- would be in a house with a swimming pool which has ample space to have a corner where I can read and write the blog. It would be a house with three bedrooms along with spacious doors across the house. It would be bright colors and would have a photography wall where there would be pictures of my trips, people I love.
-would be where I have a job which I love, where I am helping others. Perfect life would be where I am looking beautiful.
-would be where I can be accepted in this society even if I am not married.

-would be where I make my parents proud of myself.
-would where I can tell someone how I feel exactly rather than hiding myself behind my smile.
-would be where I can say no to people and not feel guilty about it.
-would be where I have good health.
-would be to have friends who stand by you all the time.
-would be surrounded by people who love you, accept you and understand you.
-would be to have my parents always with me in every decision I take.
-would be to have understanding and caring life partner.
-would be full of road trips and travel to places I want to see and blog about.

In the end, perfect life is all about the things we want to do in reality which is somewhere in our mind but we don't do them due to many reasons. I just wish I would at least achieve couple of them and have a happy life if not perfect.

Confessions of Fat Woman

This is one of the hardest topic to write about what being fat means to me. I have been born in a family where food played an integral part. My mom being an amazing mom who loves her children cooked amazing food. Being the eldest born, I am blessed with everything except one thing that I can't make my parents happy.

        I have always been healthy due to the genes in me. However being in India, I have always been told I am not good looking or I am fat. I have always felt weird about my body. If you are born in India, and then if you are a women, then make sure you never get fat as you are always treated as it is a disease. Sometimes, we are not in control of what happens in our body. Do I want to be thin or beautiful? Of course yes, for as long as I can remember.

      I was just 70kgs in 2009 and put on 20 kgs more in one year, that is when everything changed. People around me kept telling my parents that I will never get married and be a disappointment for my family. Nobody understood that it was a hormonal imbalance which was never clearly explained to me by numerous doctors. All they said is go to gym lose weight. Nobody tells you how to deal with disappointment after working out and then still putting on weight due to hormonal imbalance.

       They were times when I wanted to give up and just die so that my family would be saved  by the embarrassment of having a fat daughter. In this society, doesn't matter how much you go ahead in career or how much you grown, you are always judged because of the looks. After three surgeries and being in ICU, I realised that God has made me the way I am.  I have had people be on the face rude to me when I go shopping or restaurant but I would really like to thank all my friends who have supported me in my journey and be with me during tough times even though some of them aren't around anymore.

     It's always tough to be around people who make you feel like you are not good enough person to hang out with them. On top of it dealing with the peer pressure to look good or that I haven't been married yet. Recently, to be brutally honest I have been depressed with the fact that I am not happy, I knew I have to take some tough decisions if I have to be happy in my life.  I also realised that the focus has to be changed as I was trying to make everyone else happy than rather being happy. I have made a promise to myself that I would make myself happy.

           Under the guidance of my trainer Sourabh, I have started following Keto Diet, which is improving my health and making me feel more positive. He has lots of patience in handling my mood swings and pushing me on this positive path of life. I know there are lots of people out there who have been in my situation, I would like to say that be yourself and do change yourself only if you want to. We should not do something just to make someone happy because if they like you for what you are, they would always like you. Don't give up even when that's the most easiest thing to do.  I would also request everyone to not to judge people as everyone is fighting their own battles. Believe me, nobody wants to be fat by their own choice.

Love Without Fear...

After the last post I wrote about single people struggling to get married, this one is about how we let our fears ruin what could be a good relationship.

Since I moved back home, I've been meeting people in search for love. There has been good and bad experiences. The bad ones are learnings, let's not be negative about it.

A lot of single people ask me why should they get into a committed relationship when they can have fun without it and it is too much of an effort to maintain a relationship. I have met people who have been hurt by others and don't want to get hurt. In both the cases, it's the fear of finding someone who you would depend on emotionally, mentally and physically. And there are others who let that fear affect them so much that they ignore when they meet an amazing person. Maybe because they think the person is fake and will hurt them, or scared that they'd fall for them.

I have had experiences where I have been completely honest about what are my expectations from a relationship or the person. However, then realized that it scares people when you are so honest.Most of the relationships or marriage breaks because we aren't honest to each other about our expectations. Things are really easy when we are dating and having fun because we are not responsible for anybody's happiness or sadness. People don't realize that we might have fun in dating however everybody wants to meet someone they can settle down.

In the last two months, I met different guys and told them I am a girl who has a good job, family and friends. I don't expect him to spend every waking minute with me. All I need is one day in a week, we meet either for a movie or coffee or dinner and spend time. The most important thing is to communicate whenever we are free. I would rather stay home and watch Netflix rather than go out and party. Also told them that I don't have any issues if they drink, go out with their guy friends or smoke as long as long it doesn't affect them personally. However the reactions of this was this can't be real. Maybe she is faking it, it can't be real. I am not sad that they choose to let the fear make the decision about knowing me rather than giving a chance. Nobody is perfect in life and it made me realize that people are so scared of falling in love.

I strongly feel that love is the most important thing and difficult to get as this generation is blinded by money, status and society. We all want to settle down with someone who can be our best friend/family/mentor in our life but too scared to take a chance on someone who can be genuinely likes you and wants to be with you.

So this blog is for all those people who are scared that someone will hurt them, I would suggest that take a chance and give the other person chance to know you. Don't let your fear ruin what could be an amazing experience. If it ends up as a bad experience then learn from it rather than letting that stop you from knowing another person.

In Search of Happiness..

Behind every smile is a sadness which cannot be expressed. For everyone who knows me I am all sorted in terms of job, family, friends etc. It is assumed that my life is full of parties every weekend with awesome people because of my love for photography.

To share this story has been my difficult task as it might hurt lot of my close people who love to see me smile all the time. But its time for me to be honest about myself in order to find the lost happiness which I am trying to search..

Have you ever been in a group of people and still feel lonely? When you feel you trying very hard to be happy and trying to smile every time so that people will not be asking you too many questions?

I was on assignment away from home for six months and felt so homesick that I had to come back to home. I thought I would be more happy and contend being at my home base. However I was wrong, since coming back home, it has been an roller coaster ride. I wasn't happy like I was expected myself to be.  Parents being disappointed since I am yet to be married.Will parents ever understand what we go through?  Can you ever make your parents happy for you?

I am not against marriage, however if I am unable to find a right person it’s better to be single then marry the wrong person.  Who doesn't like to come home to someone, share your day, go out on dates. Who doesn't like to have someone who is proud to be your partner?

Is the girl only complete once she is married. I know its the aim of every parent to see their children happy and settled. Maybe some children are not meant for this? 

Is it easy to talk about the pressure you feel when you see your parents disappointed that you arent settled? To be honest, I do feel suffocated when I am being told constantly to get married, lose weight etc. Does it ever end? I only wanted someone to love me the way I am. We are in a generation wherein its so difficult to trust people as people change constantly. Relationships these days, needs lots of patience, compromise and understanding.

We see everybody around us getting married, being happy that you wonder what is actually wrong with you. We don't realize that we would find our soulmate once its time. But what if this pressure gets to you and you just feel like giving up.... Give up everything so that every one around is happy without you.