This is one of the hardest topic to write about what being fat means to me. I have been born in a family where food played an integral part. My mom being an amazing mom who loves her children cooked amazing food. Being the eldest born, I am blessed with everything except one thing that I can't make my parents happy.
I have always been healthy due to the genes in me. However being in India, I have always been told I am not good looking or I am fat. I have always felt weird about my body. If you are born in India, and then if you are a women, then make sure you never get fat as you are always treated as it is a disease. Sometimes, we are not in control of what happens in our body. Do I want to be thin or beautiful? Of course yes, for as long as I can remember.
I was just 70kgs in 2009 and put on 20 kgs more in one year, that is when everything changed. People around me kept telling my parents that I will never get married and be a disappointment for my family. Nobody understood that it was a hormonal imbalance which was never clearly explained to me by numerous doctors. All they said is go to gym lose weight. Nobody tells you how to deal with disappointment after working out and then still putting on weight due to hormonal imbalance.
They were times when I wanted to give up and just die so that my family would be saved by the embarrassment of having a fat daughter. In this society, doesn't matter how much you go ahead in career or how much you grown, you are always judged because of the looks. After three surgeries and being in ICU, I realised that God has made me the way I am. I have had people be on the face rude to me when I go shopping or restaurant but I would really like to thank all my friends who have supported me in my journey and be with me during tough times even though some of them aren't around anymore.
It's always tough to be around people who make you feel like you are not good enough person to hang out with them. On top of it dealing with the peer pressure to look good or that I haven't been married yet. Recently, to be brutally honest I have been depressed with the fact that I am not happy, I knew I have to take some tough decisions if I have to be happy in my life. I also realised that the focus has to be changed as I was trying to make everyone else happy than rather being happy. I have made a promise to myself that I would make myself happy.
Under the guidance of my trainer Sourabh, I have started following Keto Diet, which is improving my health and making me feel more positive. He has lots of patience in handling my mood swings and pushing me on this positive path of life. I know there are lots of people out there who have been in my situation, I would like to say that be yourself and do change yourself only if you want to. We should not do something just to make someone happy because if they like you for what you are, they would always like you. Don't give up even when that's the most easiest thing to do. I would also request everyone to not to judge people as everyone is fighting their own battles. Believe me, nobody wants to be fat by their own choice.
